Tuesday, December 17, 2013

The Paul Simon Pumpkin.

          Paul Simon has been one of my favorite recording artists for as long as I can remember. Simon and Garfunkel's Greatest Hits was the only tape my parents had when I was a young boy that carried over into my personal collection years later. When I heard that Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel were reuniting for a tour for the first time in twenty years, it broke my heart that I also learned at the same moment that it was already sold out. With ticket prices in the hundreds I knew I couldn't have afforded it anyway so when I got a call from my friend Steven concerning an opportunity to go to the show, my ears gave him their full attention.
          In an excited voice, Steven explained to me his predicament and where I fit in to the scheme. Earlier in the day he had called a radio station holding a competition and got through in time to earn himself a spot at an exclusive pumpkin carving competition held by the station for later in the week. One hundred people including Steven were slated to compete for a single grand prize of two tickets to the sold out Simon and Garfunkel show. Steven went on to explain to me the strict parameters of the contest. The tickets were to be awarded to whoever could carve a pumpkin that possessed the closest likeness to Paul Simon himself. No pictures for reference were allowed and the carvers must use the tools provided at the location which were a standard set of pumpkin carving tools that you can get in the Halloween section of your local drug store. Each person who called in to the radio station on time was allowed to bring one friend. Steven, being an expert wood carver himself could have easily taken on the challenge solo so why was he calling me? It turned out that the event was scheduled in the middle of the day in the middle of the week and Steven's boss was not going to allow him to take the time off to attend. Before calling me he had already asked the radio station if his friend he picked to assist him could come alone since he had to work. They had granted his request and now he was asking me if I was up for it. I understood why he called me first since I was clearly the next best pumpkin carver he knew. I accepted and that evening we started our preparation.
          Steven showed up to my apartment with two large pumpkins to practice on. It was like he was the coach in "Rocky" and every ten minutes I doubted myself to which he would raise his voice instilling confidence with a stop watch next to my temple as I carved away. We selected the cover of the album "Bookends" as our model after we both decided it was possibly the most recognizable photo of the man. I measured the distance from his lip to the bottom of his nose with the tip of my thumb to the first crease in my knuckle then repeated that procedure for all of the key facial features. We decided that the most impressive result would be imploring a tactic known in the pumpkin carving community as "gradient carving". This style of carving leaves the shell in places that you want to look black and carved out sections you want to look bright with thicker and thinner exposed pumpkin meat in places you want the gradient from light to dark to occur. It doesn't look like much during the day but once a candle is placed inside and it's dark out, if done well, the pumpkin comes alive and looks more like a painting than a festive gourde.
           Steven came over at least three days during that week leading up to the competition to practice on more pumpkins and it was beginning to be clear that the preparation was paying off. I was ready. We read on the website that the radio station encouraged people to show up in costume for the event. Not wanting to hinder our chances for any reason, it was agreed that I would attend as a "pumpkin-witch". The get up was basically a combination of a few Halloween artifacts we both had lying around and was pretty funny looking. I dressed in all orange clothing with a matching long messy orange wig topped with a witches hat.
          The night before the competition I got some bad news. I was called into work as well. The good thing was that I worked mere blocks away from where the carving was to be held. Furthermore, I was scheduled an hour after the contest started giving me time to still attend although cutting my carving time in half. Steven encouraged me that with our practice, he was sure I could crank it out within that time frame and still walk away with the win.
          The next day, I showed up on time and began nervously grinding my teeth as the organizers bantered on over the P.A. system gouging into our precious carving time at least fifteen more minutes. The first unforeseen obstacle I noticed was all the pumpkins sitting on the tables were a third of the size of the ones I practiced on, this was going to throw off my measuring system greatly. The next thing occurred to me was that it was the middle of the day and one whole wall of the room was windows. I didn't see any candles anywhere, how was I going to show the judges the final result? Without a light inside my creation and darkness outside, it wouldn't look like anything! With time slip sliding away, I decided to deal with the light issue later and stick to plan A.
          I carved away for about a half hour before I determined that nothing else could be done to improve it any further. It wasn't my best version of the likeness I had rehearsed but it was still pretty good. Since I had stuck to plan A (mainly because there was no plan B), the light issue still remained. It didn't look like much without the candle and a dark room to be placed in. In fact, in regular light the gradient technique almost looks like a negative of a photo.
          As everyone else carved away, I approached the judges' table. I asked them if there were any candles or dark closets nearby so I could show them what it was supposed to look like and they just shook their heads in unison. Frustrated and running out of time I resorted to desperate measures. I had an idea. It was a long shot but I was out of options. With the judges still looking at my masterpiece with perplexed faces, I knew I wasn't going to win unless I did something else. I quickly sawed off the entire backside of the pumpkin using the small serrated blade included in the kit they had provided. I then brought it over to the large wall of windows facing the sun opposite the panel of judges. I proceeded to triumphantly thrust the figure above me. I held it as high as I could so the angle of the sun would shine through the carefully carved out holes and exposed pumpkin meat. I immediately heard a chorus of ooohs and aaaahs from the judges and the sound of an electronic camera shutter. I turned around to see them all huddling around the digital photo continuing their musings. When I looked over one of their shoulders I saw a perfect Paul Simon likeness with rays of sunshine bursting outward in all directions appearing to beam the inspiring folk music out of his pores. The picture alone could have started a religion.
          I was now becoming late for work so I told them to call me when I win and left abruptly. That night I received a call from the radio station confirming that I had placed first place and won two tickets to Simon and Garfunkel along with an eight CD collection of their albums including all the officially released live performances. I called Steven with the news and was delighted to hear him laugh with joy. We went to the concert together and had a blast. The show was beyond awesome and it certainly made the whole experience more enjoyable knowing how we got there.