-1st Timothy 6:10
Money sucks. Some people think that it only sucks when you don't have any, but I say it sucks all the time. I'm not advocating Communism, that sucks too. I'm just saying that Money dictates far more of our lives than it should. Money starts wars and then sustains them. Money rips families apart and creates classism. Money breeds jealousy, greed, and depression. That's why I love when things are free, not because I'm a cheapskate or even "thrifty", but because free is just that; it's freedom. A transaction, or should I say an acquiring of something that does not involve money is a temporary release from the binds of the financial system we're so caught up in day after day weather we like it or not.
My uncle once told me there is a great power in giving something away for free. He was speaking from a marketing standpoint within the context of our conversation but I'm sure he would agree with me that the statement can be applied to an idea larger in scope as well. For me, and this is all intertwined with the van life, it's a philosophy. Maybe it's because I've struggled considerably with money over the course of my life but I absolutely hate being nickel and dimed for petty things. I can't stand getting ripped off on any scale. I could get a bad deal on a car or a sandwich and I'll probably be just as pissed. I am always on the hunt for a way not to pay. Over the years of getting into concerts for free, free haircuts, free dental work, and countless things large and small I've realized that there really is a power in "free" that super cedes the notion of simply getting a good deal.
One of the powers of getting something for free is it completely eliminates the chance of getting ripped off. You can't get mad if your sandals fall apart after a month if you found them on the street corner. Even though managing my finances hasn't been a strong point for me, I feel that it doesn't really matter if you're rich or poor when your wallet is being taken advantage of. It's the principal of getting what you paid for that matters. If I were a millionaire, I'd still get angry over an eight dollar beer at a music festival served to me in a plastic cup that's mostly foam. Someone at the same festival tosses me a warm PBR because I sat near him -highlight of my day (Free beer = new friend).
Which brings me to another power of free, you never forget the things you get for free (well not as easily at least). It's always special to get free stuff and a lot of my best memories are when I didn't have to pay the fee. The cost of something doesn't just set an arbitrary expectation (usually too high) for what you paid for, it sets a negative precedent from the get go that must be then turned positive if what you paid for delivers. Let's say you ride a roller coaster that cost fifteen dollars then another one that's thirty and you decided you had more fun on the fifteen dollar one. Most likely, you'll find yourself frustrated that you paid too much for the second one instead of relishing the fact that you had a lot of fun on the first. If you just rode two roller coasters without forking over any dough you probably wouldn't even be comparing them. The memory would play out in your brain as two rad roller coasters, and maybe if you were being really analytical that day, one ever radder than the other. Which makes the day the raddist! (sorry I couldn't help myself once I got to "radder" there was no going back).
At this point in my speech I can almost hear the nay sayers thinking to themselves in a condescending internal brain tone "well Jon, you can't just get everything for free, we live in a capitalist society, people need to make a living, how do you think they built that roller-....bla bla bla". Guess what? You're wrong! If you are an optimistic opportunist who believes in yourself you can get just about anything you want without paying for it. You've heard it before, Oprah has her vision boards, there's that cheesy DVD "The Secret" stacked on a spool underneath your soon to be outdated DVD player but the message is true; you are the master of your own destiny. If you want something bad enough, remain positive, and always assume you will get what you want, somehow it will come to be. Don't dwell on the question of "how" too hard but still consider it. The universe will conspire to make your dreams a reality. Now it's time for some great stories about free stuff.
FREE SNOWBOARD
I grew up in a house with a modest income, my parents weren't broke but because of the neighborhood we lived in, I was the poor kid by comparison. It hardly ever bothered me, I was always happy with what I had for the most part but certain things came up now and then that made me feel pretty left out because my family just couldn't afford it. The biggest one of those things was certainly snowboarding. In seventh grade, I did everything with my group of best buddies. Weekends were especially good hang out days except when the bike riding and swimming bliss days of summer turned to winter, I was alone. I would reunite with my friends on Monday at school where I had to hear about all the fun stuff that happened on the mountain during lunch. Sure I wanted to fit in but even more so it just sounded like a blast. I wanted to snowboard with my friends very badly but with all the gear and lift ticket prices, it was way out of range for my parents to just foot the bill and I understood that.
My wonderful mom was aware of my longing and one day she told me she heard on the radio that a local snowboard manufacturer was looking for kids to demo their new boards. The ad went on to say that they would also provide a ride from the factory to the mountain with a lift ticket voucher. She bought me some cheap gloves and goggles and drove me down to the warehouse to see what it was all about. The radio message reached a handful of kids but shockingly, there wasn't an overwhelming response so I called up my buddies and instructed them to join me as fast as possible. The people running the program immediately took a liking to me and my eight or so buddies because the rest of the kids were horribly disrespectful and acted very entitled to their free stuff. A few of them were caught stealing boards almost right away and almost caused a shut down of the whole thing before it even launched.
Once I was hooked up with a board to demo I asked them if I could borrow some snowboarding pants, and possibly boots as well. They informed me that it was just a board demo and that I should have brought my own. It was then that I informed them that I was not actually a snowboarder...yet, but that was all about to change. The timing was perfect as I was already their golden boy for bringing the cool kids. One of the guys disappeared for a moment and returned with pants, a jacket, boots and even gloves as mine were clearly not adequate. I found out later that he was the official brand photographer and regularly snapped shots for posters and magazines of all the famous snowboarders of that time. I just remember his first name was Pat.
We all piled on to a school bus with a driver named Butch who wore a huge cowboy hat and blasted AC/DC from a boom box he had duck-taped to the dash. Once on the mountain Pat gave me a two hour lesson which I appreciated greatly. I learned quick and was flying off jumps within the day (I didn't say I landed them). The mountain was pretty empty and was magnificent all lit up at night. I was captivated from my first day. Even from the top of the chair we could see Butch doing donuts in the empty parking lot with the school bus. The revving diesel engine echoed loudly across the whole mountain. Pat and the rest of the brand reps hung out and took pictures of us sporting the new boards for their catalogue. I was the hero among my friends the next day at lunch and we continued night boarding with Butch, Pat and the whole crew every Wednesday night for the duration of the two month program. At the end of each night I thanked them profusely and returned all the borrowed gear. On the last day after everyone piled into cars to go home, one of them motioned for me to come back in to the warehouse. I opened the door to see everyone who worked there standing in a half circle around a snowboard and a pile of gear. They told me it was mine and that they had a great time hangen with me over the last two months.
I continued snowboarding for years barely paying for anything, always finding a way around the fee. For lift tickets, Shell gas stations had a great promotion they ran all winter for a few years. The deal was if you spent more than $30 to fill your tank they would give you a voucher for a buy one-get one free lift ticket. I would pick up a voucher on my way up then find someone in line to purchase a lift ticket and ask them to use the voucher to help me get one since they were going to buy one anyway. It never took me more than five minutes as people in the mountain sports community tend to look out for each other and are generally in a pretty good mood once they're about to get on the lift.
Snowboarding had become an important part of my life and it never cost me more that what it would have to have taken up tennis instead.
FREE SUSHI
I was living in Seattle in my early twenties bouncing around different low paying jobs and money was usually scarce (OK, always). I caught wind from a friend that there was a bar at the bottom of one of the ritzy hotels downtown that served free sushi during happy hour on Tuesdays. My roommate Kenton and I decided to go investigate. We came in dressed in T-shirts and torn shorts, sat down at the bar awkwardly, and waited. After about ten minutes I built up the courage to ask the bartender if in fact sushi was going to be served to us at no cost. He told us that the rumors were true but it wasn't entirely free as there was a one drink minimum to partake. Just then a few workers from the kitchen started bringing out trays of not only sushi but pot stickers and noodles as well. We each ordered our over priced drinks deciding that it was clearly still worth it. After attending this event a few weeks in a row, the bar tender who was also in his early twenties confided to us his disdain for the gig and started hooking us up with free drinks. He explained to us that he hated that wealthy people were being treated with free gourmet food while the homeless people outside couldn't afford a granola bar or something vigilant like that. I really didn't care if he wanted to be the Robin hood of beer or our friend or both, I was just thankful that I got my buzz on and a delicious meal just for tipping the guy every Tuesday.
Kenton and I agreed that the first three rules of free sushi was that you don't talk about free sushi. We had the awareness from our first visit that as soon as a few more tools like us found out about it and started infiltrating the country club atmosphere, everything would come crashing to a halt. We both showed up every Tuesday for months like we were monks and the bar was our temple. It eventually got to the point where I would starve myself all day just to be able to gorge on more sushi during that wonderful happy hour. Sure enough, true to our predictions one by one the riff raff were wandering in and exploiting what we pioneered. One day we arrived ten minutes early as usual and not to our surprise, it was announced via a note on the door that the complimentary sushi happy hour had ceased.
FREE MUSEUMS IN CANADA
The longest job I ever had before I started filmmaking full time lasted nine months before I got canned. It was working as a Deck hand/Server/Bus tour salesman/Luggage attendant for the Victoria Clipper, a high speed ferry that went from Seattle to Victoria, Canada and back once daily. I have a lot of crazy stories from this job involving everything from Whales to a dumpster full of puke that I promise I'll devote an entire blog post to in the future but for now I'm going to explain how I used my employment there to get me free stuff in Victoria that helped me develop a skill for getting free things elsewhere as well.
One perk of the job was a four hour layover in the very touristy town of Victoria. All crew members were given ten dollars for lunch and a membership to an upscale gym in the harbor. Victoria is known for a plethora of museums that range greatly in price and size. A wax museum, a bug museum, and a museum of history were just a few that were all a few blocks from each other. They all charged anywhere from $8 to $30 to enter and with four hours to kill every day, I wanted to go to them all. Over the summer I managed to visit every single one including Miniature World for free.
I came up with a monologue that I delivered to whoever was selling the tickets that I honed a little better each time. I would begin by making small talk and being sure to include that I was an employee of the Clipper who tended to the passengers for two hours every day on the way up from Seattle. I would go on casually about how people were always asking me for recommendations for how they should spend their time (time is code word for money of course) in the harbor. Since all they had to do was wave me on and it was clear I wasn't going away, inevitably they all did. I even rented a moped for two hours this way.
The experience got me thinking about how if I was clever enough I could probably get into anything anywhere if I knew exactly what to say. Since then I've talked my way into a lot of places including several concerts over the years or gotten in for a fraction of the price at the very least. I've become so good at this skill that when I go to a large concert with friends, I instruct them to not buy tickets ahead of time and to give me a chance to score them for free or incredibly cheap once we got there. I've never failed.
THE FREE BOX
My love for free eventually crossed paths with my hobby for filmmaking when I moved to Portland and became addicted to the show "Arrested Development". I desperately wanted to make a clever comedy web series about zany people in Portland but as usual, I had no money. Furthermore I also lacked a camera, a cast, experience, and when I say no money I mean the $200 a month I got in food stamps was the only way I stayed alive and even that ran thin halfway through each month. For some reason I still thought I could pull off producing a web series and owe a lot of that determination to the encouragement of Drew Hicks who co-created it with me. I had met Drew only a month before through my first attempt at networking with actors around Portland and we quickly found that we shared similar unrealistic ambitions and a lack of a bank account.
To make a long story short, we found a guy to lend us a camera and got all our props for free including a sixty dollar bong just by explaining to businesses what we were up to. We put a very official looking casting call on craigslist and scheduled auditions in a room we checked out for free at the public library. We called it "The Free Box" in reference to the popular Portland pastime of putting free boxes on every corner of the city during months of good weather. Of course The name of the show meant a lot more to Drew and I. We made the show for three years totaling 27 episodes and never spent more than ten dollars on any installment. It was rough around the edges but I learned a ton and each episode contained at least a few moments that were actually funny. It never got any sponsorship or picked up by a network but we did get a few great write ups from the local press and the five main actors would always get recognized around town.
Producing The Free Box week after week while paychecks were non existant really enforced my belief in the notion that anything is possible. Drew and I would show up to film industry networking events like celebrities and people would grill us with questions about where we got our funding. After explaining it to people without embellishing anything the response was usually negative as I could tell they just thought we were being jack asses and lying to them. Looking back, it was pretty unbelievable given what I now know about the industry but that's just the reason we were able to do it. We didn't know anything so we just figured it out as we went along our way instead of the way they tell you how to do it. The money saving lessons I learned while making The Free Box are applied in some way to almost every project I work on to this day and those episodes will always remind me of good times. I'll leave you with episode thirteen; "Free Beer". If this is the first episode you've seen, I'll catch you up a little. Lisa/Moonshadow is a twenty year old girl who accidentally turned herself into a Genie a few episodes back and is played by a man in his forties. You can watch them all in better quality than the Youtube uploads here: vimeo.com/user4781378/videos/sort:alphabetical/format:thumbnail
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